I couldn’t sleep at all last night (do, do, do-do, do)

Insomnia

Pardon me while I indulge in some self-analysis.

I am not an insomniac.  At least I don’t think so.  I have friends who suffer through bouts of sleepless nights for long stretches of time that carry a genuine diagnosis of insomnia.  It is a nightly horror that makes no sense at all to them.  It leaves them feeling exhausted, ineffective, and grumpy.  And then the people they interact with all day often feel exhausted, ineffective and grumpy from being around them.  It’s a lose-lose.  Boo, insomnia!

For me, insomnia usually means a single night or two of having trouble sleeping.  And it is usually due to the wrestling of my mind, or the absence of my wife when one of us is away.  It creeps up about once every couple of months.  It typically resolves itself by, after a night or two of minimal sleep, causing me to crash from exhaustion and sleep like an unborn baby for about 8-10 hours (I imagine unborn babys must sleep better than newborns, what with it being all warm and cozy in the womb.  I’ve had newborns and they sleep like they have insomnia).

So last night was one of those nights.  I fell asleep on the couch for about an hour around midnight while I was waiting for my boys to settle down and fall asleep in their rooms (is summer over yet?).  I woke up about 1 A.M., went to bed, and stayed awake for about an hour before falling back to sleep a little after 2 A.M.  At about 3:15 A.M., some neighborhood cats started settling a dispute over turf rights in our backyard.  This got the attention of our dog who, appropriately, believed she should have some say in this matter.  Once peace was restored, I was done.  Sleeping, I mean.  I tried for the better part of two hours to fall back to sleep, but it wasn’t happening.  Not even repeated attempts at what is an apparently unbeatable level of angry birds could lull me back to dreamland (How can I possibly take down all of these storm trooper pigs with only three Han Solo birds?).  Finally, at about 5:30 A.M., enough was enough.  A new day was dawning.  Time to make coffee and watch Sportscenter.

As I said earlier, my insomnia is not chronic.   I fully expect to sleep well this evening.  And for those who are in my company today, fear not!  I like to think that one night of sleeplessness, rather than making me exhausted, ineffective, and grumpy, actually makes me delightfully silly and a pleasant diversion to be around (Yeah, let’s go with that).  Truth is, I had a lot on my mind last night.  Some of it I couldn’t do anything about except try not to think about it.  But one thing that kept creeping around in the back of my brain was this blog.  I don’t exactly know why.  I haven’t written regularly in several months.  And while I’m sure is disappointing to my tens of readers, it is hardly a critical life issue for me.  But it kind of felt like it last night.  It actually felt really urgent.

So, I’ve given it some thought and the short conclusion is this – I need to write more.  For my tens of fans?  Sure.  But mostly, I need to write for myself.  You’re still welcome to read, of course.  I get some kind of fulfillment from this blog that feels essential to me, and when I’m not doing it I notice the void.  I think it is about something bigger that I haven’t connected to yet, but I’m not going to get there unless I keep writing.  I’ll explore that more later.

For now, let’s call this a re-committment to The Alternafolk, Surfsoul, Rock&Roll Revival Meeting.  Partly because I enjoy it, and partly because I need it.  It’ll be about life, faith, community, and the ways that music connects us to all of that.  And, as I stated a few years ago when I started this, I hope that it connects with you.

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~ by themattmorrisshow on August 10, 2013.

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